What Your Student Really Needs This School Year (It's Not on the Supply List)

As a high school counselor, I see it every September - parents reviewing class schedules, discussing grade expectations, and strategizing about extracurriculars. But there's something deeper happening in these first weeks that deserves our attention.

Students are walking into environments where they'll make hundreds of decisions without you. Whether to include the new kid at lunch. How to respond when someone shares their struggles. What to do when academic pressure mounts or social dynamics get complicated.

These moments matter more than we realize. They're not just social situations to navigate; they're opportunities to practice living by the values that will guide them through life.

The question isn't whether our kids will face challenging situations this year, but whether they'll have a clear sense of what matters most when those moments arrive.

Values as Navigation

Values aren't rules we impose from the outside. They're the internal compass students develop through reflection and practice. When a teenager knows they value honesty, kindness, and courage, they have tools for making decisions that align with who they want to be.

But here's what I've learned: most students haven't spent time identifying what they actually value, let alone connecting those values to daily choices.

The dinner table becomes our best classroom for this work. Not through lectures, but through questions that invite genuine reflection. Here are conversations that can help students connect with their core values:

• "What's something you did recently that you felt really good about afterward? What made that feel right to you?"

• "If you had to pick three qualities that matter most to you in a friend, what would they be? Do you think you show those same qualities?"

• "Tell me about a time this week when you had to choose between what was easy and what felt right. How did you decide?"

• "What's a value or principle you've seen modeled by someone you admire? How do they show that in their actions?"

• "When you think about the person you want to be by the time you graduate, what qualities do you hope people would use to describe you?"

The magic isn't in having perfect answers. It's in creating space for students to think about what matters to them and why.

Beyond the Grades

I watch parents stress about GPAs and college applications, and I understand why. But the students who thrive, both in high school and beyond, aren't necessarily the ones with perfect transcripts. They're the ones who know themselves. Who can articulate what they care about and make decisions that reflect those values, even when it's difficult.

When students have clarity about their values, everything else becomes clearer, too. They choose activities that align with their interests rather than just padding their resume. They build friendships based on mutual respect rather than social positioning. They approach challenges with integrity rather than cutting corners.

The Long View

This school year will bring academic pressure, social complexity, and probably some disappointment alongside the victories. Our students will face moments where they have to choose between what's popular and what's right, between what's easy and what's meaningful.

The conversations we have now about values don't just prepare them for high school. They are practice for every significant decision they'll make as adults. The career paths they choose. The relationships they build. The kind of person they become when no one is watching.

So yes, help them organize their binders and establish good study habits. But also help them think about who they want to be and what they want to stand for. Ask the questions that matter. Create space for reflection.

The world needs young people who know what they value and have the courage to live by it. It starts with the conversations we choose to have.